From the sea to the jungle

Another week gone by, another week closer to my 3rd stripe. How great is that. And what a week i had. All lectures plus going to the workshop to learn how to fix equipment and vehicles. The best part was, we still managed to get oursleves into deep enough trouble to warrant a change parade for the whole course. Wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. From admin to long 4, followed by pt kit before finishing up with smart 4. The worse part was climbing up and down the steps, 6 floors up and down. Got pumped quite a bit but i think the course finally woke up its idea. Hope it gets better over the next 4 weeks till i pass out. After that, i'm going to enjoy the village life. Moving over to Gedong on Wednesday. Sian. I feel like a bloody nomad with no home, moving from camp to camp. When will i be able to settle down in the army? For that matter, when will i settle down with my life? Its really quite stupid.
Anyway, went to watch the Lake House yesterday. It was nice but a bit rushed at the end. Haha. The thing was that i watched it with 2 other guys so it was really gay I recommend it for all those NS guys out there to bring that special girl. After all, guys live 2 years in the past compared to their female peers of the same age group. The same as in the story. It was really touching so if you've got the time, go catch the show. Don't listen to the newspapers and what they say, though it may have been a cheap imitation of the Korean show, Il Mare.

Its really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet.
Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words it makes me weak.
Lady, never want to say goodbye.
But girl you make it hard to be faithful.
With the lips of an angel.

Never wanted to say goodbye. Never wanted it to end. I wish that it could have just lasted forever.

Survival!

I survived the boat package! Haha. I actually did and didn't get anything worse than sore arms, cramps and a slight case of foot rot. Yup. I survived the most siong part of the course. It was fun going out to sea and just chilling in the boat, letting the sea breeze blow through my hair, the smell of the salty sea water. That is the life i want to lead. The idyllic village life next to the sea. 5 weeks to go before i finish course. I will survive.
Had a fruitful weekend so far. Saturday, met my Secondary school mates for a concert back in school. Ok, the music was rather bad and the atmosphere sucked but what the hell, i was back in a place where i was respected and look upon as something like a god. Well, almost like a god. Haha. Had a good time, stayed out till late just chilling after that. It was fun seeing my old mates again and seeing how much each of them has changed. 3 years since leaving secondary school. 3 years changes alot of things. Sunday, went to church in the morning, then went out to meet the guys and gal for lunch. It was the first time in 3 months since i last saw her and it felt good to see her again. The best part? I didn't even feel akward around her. For the very first time in a long while, it actually felt like things were normal between us. People change. I have changed too. It was my first real test and i actually survived. Well, survival is what life is about isn't it?
Anyway, i finally finished my Sandman graphic novel collection, all 11 books nicely lined up on my bookshelf. Wow. It really feels good. Must have cost me at least 300 bucks for the whole set but i've finally done it. Yup. Now i can focus my cash on getting new clothes and my bike. Haha. 5 more weeks, just 5 more bloody weeks. God give me strength.

• Ching: Haha. Bayonet not easy to get. Its for the top 6 in the course. Hope i can get it, then i can put it up on my wall for decoration. Haha.
• Jean: Why you never go class outing? Haha. It waas fun meeting the class again, though not everyone was there. Try making time for it next time yah?
• Pido: I want to use internet also but got no time even to eat, shit and sleep. Haha. Bloody hell. Why u so lucky get to OOC?

Till next week, I will be strong!

The Crazy Times

Another week gone by in camp. Horrible time. Spent the whole of friday in the dark cause the power was out and they didn't bother to fix it. Worse thing was trying to pack my bags in the dark for bookout.Left only at around midnight. What a way to end a crazy week in camp. Having less than 4 hours of sleep for 3 nights in a row, night training till midnight, two test (which i passed, miraculously without studying), free tekan sessions from the instructors, and the crazy amount of stores. All the time wasted doing nothing and waiting for instructions. What a waste of time. 6 more weeks to go. Just hold on for the last few weeks before i become a sergeant. Then maybe i'll start enjoying the army fully. I hate beinga trainee. Next week is going to be worse. Boat package for the whole week. Out to sea everyday for 5 days. Thank god for guard duty on Tuesday. At least i get to rest a bit more than the others. It seems that regimental duties are the only way out from training. I wouldn't mind doing it for 3 days a week if it means i get away from the crazy bastard instructors. Sigh. Why did it turn out like this?
Anyway, i feel better a bit. Don't feel so hurt as i did before. I was shocked when my mum woke me up this morning to tell me that she knows about what happened. At least she wasn't all crazy about it. She told me that girls at this time are not worth it cause i don't have the cash. And they wouldn't really last anyway. So yup. Good advice finally from my parents. I feel better now. I've got things to look forward too these days rather than just her. Its no one else, but i'll still avoid girls for relationships like the plague. No point feeling the way i have again.
I'm smarter than that.

Brief Lives

The average age a person lives (at least for a guy) is what, 75? Well that boils down to 900 months, 3900 weeks, 27300 days, 655200 hours, 39312000 minutes and 2358720000 seconds. 18 and a half years gone, and i've wasted 222 months, 888 weeks, 6753 days of it doing nothing that is really helping me get anywhere in life. When i see sucessful people, especially people in my age group, i feel a sense of loss and of jealousy. I wonder where i have gone wrong, what they did which i didn't do. I wonder why i waste time chasing things that don't seem to offer me any returns, yet i still do. Why? Maybe its because i'm a hopeless romantic, or maybe its because i hang on to things too much. Maybe its because i'm condemned to live a life of mediocrity. I need to break the chain but i can't. Life's too short for me to go about worrying about all these trivial things. I'm trying to return to the life i used to live in Secondary school, free of worries and of cares, bothered only with covering my own ass, and having fun at the same time. It seems that that is the best way for me to go. I was happy, sucessful, respect then, before shit started falling from the sky, when i became a nobody. was it a mistake to go to CJ? Maybe it was. Would it have been better if i had gone somewhere else? I doubt so. No looking back i promised myself, just like i promised not to think of her, but is till do. I need time to sort it out. I've been taking alot of time and it still hasn't gotten any better. Where have i gone wrong?

• Miah: No, i don't need WoW. My subsricption ends this week. Don't get corrupted by the game. seriously, for your own good.
• Ching: I don't feel the force right now. I'm not superman and i have never been. Never will be. You take care of yourself in infantry term
• KP: Thanks for the invite on Saturday. Appreciated it though i was far down on your list of people to invite. It gave me a cahnce to get out of the house and for a moment, forget the problems i have been facing. Great concert by the way.
  

I'd rather be on Tekong

Seletar camp sucks. The only good thing about that god-forsaken place is that the food is better than nearly all the camps i have ever been to in my Army career. Can you imagine doing stores for 3 whole days? That's the amount of crap im going to have to use and its only for 4 weeks. After that, i'm going over to Sungei Gedong, and it will be another bunch of stores for another 3 weeks. Hope what they say is true though. If the people there are to be believed (which they unfortunately are not), i will have men to do stores for me when i pass out as a sergeant. Haha. Finally i get the rest i deserve, after 6 months of being a sai kang trooper. 2 more months to go. Suck it up. Anyway, i'll try to enjoy myself there for the next few weeks (7 more to go) and in the process, get my bayonet. I'm serious this time. And seeing how slack and uninterested the other people are, i stand a rather good chance. Its time to turn on the charm and start doing everything right. Then at least i'll have something to show for my hardwork in the army.
I try my best to forget, to turn away. Something always comes round when i least expect it to remind me of things i'd rather not remember. I wish to forget, to just look away and never look back, but i still do. I know i'm killing myself. Its suicide but still i do it. I want to stop. I need help.

This is totally random

Went back to college today to collect my A levels cert. Looked at the cert and said what the hell. I screwed up, but let's just get on with life. No point sulking over it anymore i guess. Had a talk with brother and mr tan, after that i went home. Didn't really feel like doing anything much anyway. Crap. Today is the last day of my leave and i have managed to squander it all away in front of the computer. Becoming a slave to the game. Everyday i'm back home, the first thing i do is to use the com. After that i'm stuck on it for hours on end. This really sucks. I should get out more. But who to go out with? That's another problem. Its no fun going out alone, i have realised. When you're alone, all the fun in life seems to just go. Where to i do not know. Time passes faster and before you know it, you're back to the same old boring routine again. This sucks. I really don't know what's wrong but i just don't feel that life is fun anymore. As a friend of mine once put it, "life's a bitch". Couldn't agree more.
Anyway, as this is a random post, i'll add something random here.
"Debrouillard is what every plongeur wants to be called. A debrouillard is a man who, even when he is told to do the impossible, will se debrouiller-get it down somehow."
This is from one of George Orwells books. Can't really rememeber the title but it has something to with his time as a chef down over in France. I want to be a debrouillard, hence System-D. Impossible is nothing. Seriously. As the army teaches, suck thumb breathe deep. Talk less more action, stuff like that. Chance must be systematically explored. I don't know why i wrote that. Anyway, i'm not going to stand here waiting for nothing to happen. Not going to wait for anyone. It don't matter anymore.
Think i'll try to fix my tagboard, and maybe work on the links.
Oh yes. And i miss school.

To the village!

I've been posted to a village, literally. If any of you guys ahve been to seletar camp, you'll get what i mean. The camp is so f-ing huge that its a pain just to go anywhere. And its so out of the way too. It kind of reminds me a little of backwater malaysia. When i become a sergeant (in 7 weeks time), and unfortunately get posted there permanently for the next 16 months of my life, there are 2 things i will get. 1) A Bicycle and 2) A Fishing Rod, to help me get from place to place with minimal effort and to help me pass the time in what must be the most old fashioned place in swanky and modern singapore. Look at the World War 2 era buildings and you'll get what i mean. It feels like somebody actually dicovered a way to travel through time. What the hell. Just suck thumb and breathe real deep. At least Jln Kayu is just down the road, but its a f-ing long road...
was just reading some other people's blogs and something struck me real hard. Why does everyone who goes to SISPEC want to go to OCS? Ok, i admit that i used to think like that but now its not the case anymore. In fact, i'm kinda happy being just a non-comm. I mean is there any less honour in being non-commed compared to being a commisioned one? I mean, if you want to end up as a wayang fucker who only knows how to carry balls and suck cocks, then by all means go ahead and be an officer. I personally have very little respect for officers. Looking at those i have been in close proximity with, there really is nothing special about them. Here's a liitle fact. Do you know why officers wear removable epulates on their shoulders? So that when its comes to a real war, they can just take them offf and toss them out. That way they can pretend to be just private soldiers who know shit, and therefore won't be put to the question. And who eats the shit u may ask. Who takes the rap for anything that goes wrong? Its the non-comms ladies and gentlemen. They eat the shit, all the time. To me, officers are yellow. They have no balls to stand up to anythign shit, relying on their meatshields of sergeants to take the fall for them. And what do the sergeants get? Nothing. To those SISPEC guys thinking about crossover, don't get your hopes up. Its not that easy, trust me. I've tried and failed, and found out that the grass is much greener over here. I'm not saying to just slack off. I'm telling you to think carefully before jumping into it. You may not like what u are getting.
Anyway, an updated wishlist, half way through the year. How time flies when you are not having fun...

1. Bicycle (for use in camp)
2. Fishing Rod
3. Learn driving and diving
4. A watch (A Tag), for my 21st birthday (2 years from now)
   
5. To just plain forget...

Yeah, well, simple is best i think. Nothing too fancy. Hope i survive the rest of the year.