The Adventure

Almost done with my first week as an 'instructor' of sorts. Spent the whole of the week in the bloody computer lab freezing my balls off and trying to figure out some weird simulator programme. Up to now, i still don't understand half of what the hell is happening. Like all of a suddden, i find my pilot in the middle of the water. I mean, WTF? And it cost the SAF 3 million bucks. Great way to spend taxpayers money. With 3 million bucks, i could....

Haha. Better not hink about it or even write it down. Most probably would get sued or something.

Out of nowhere, i've just suddenly lost my direction in life. Its like i have no more goal. In the past i used to have at least something to look forward to, some demons to fight and some unattainable dream to try to attain. But now, after letting all the excess baggage go and declaring to stay away from mtrouble for a long time, i've kind of lost that zest for life i used to have. It seems that everyday is the same, no matter how hard i try to screw it up. Everyone seems uncharacteristically nice to me. Weird. Shedding the bad boy, super angst image i used to have has made my life boring. I think i'm being too nice to people and i can sense that i'll be taken advantage of soon. Well, i don't know what to do. Should i unleash the evil side of me again, or should i just stay the way i am, all nice, polite and cool headed?

I really don't know. I'll leave it up to you people to decide.

I'm not slacking.. Trust me..

Why does everyone think that being an instructor is slack? Is it because my job only requires me to be in camp from between 8am to 5pm? Is it because i spend my time in an air-con room getting paler and paler by the day? Or maybe cause i won't have the time to do organised PT lessons, so i get to smell all nice and flowery for the whole day? Who needs showers anyway? Ok, so i spent half of the previous week in the computer lab while my course mates were out cleaning equipment, and i'm here spending my off day while they are getting into shit for their UIP. Why can't they just understand that being an instructor is not all nice and simple like they think it is. Think. 1) I've got a crazy OC whose moods swing like the little kid in the playground. 2) My senior instructors think i'm a threat to their job security because i'm too highly rated by my CO. 3) Within the next 4 months, i will have to attend at least 4 courses with the possibility of a 5th which would mean i have to go overseas to train for a month. 4) I bet my trainees would hate me, given my bad temper. And lastly, 5) I may have to extend my term of service for an additional 6 months after i ORD. Now that sucks big time. Ok, fine, i'll be getting a regular's pay (up to 2.1k!!), instant promotion and i'll have a job for the time i would otherwise spend rotting while waiting for the Uni term to start, but still? Its like asking me to sign on, which is smthing i wouldn't really want to do unless i really have no choice.
Don't anyone ever dare say again to my face that my life is slack compared to their's. It's not.
Anyway, officially got promoted again last wednesday. 3SG Ivan Tan at your service (just don't ask me to clean the toilet and throw out the trash again). The initial rush is starting to wear off and the realities of life are starting to set in. Being a commander in the Army is not a bed of roses that people think it is. At least i'm not a trainee, so i won't feel so shitty about it anymore. I'll be stepping into a whole new world and frankly, i don't know what to expect. I'm going in blind which makes me feel kind of nervous and excited at the same time. Oh well, we'll juts see what happens and hope i survive whatever shit comes my way.
The weekend was fun. Really enjoyed myself, except for the part where i had to stand in the rain and do duty for the AHM on Sunday. But other than that, spending time out with friends, whether it was playing LAN till 2 in the morning, or just chilling along Orchard Road with the councillors, wearing a permanent goofy smile due to the total lack of sleep for the past 36 hrs or so, it really helped me to perk up quite a bit. Actually, come to think of it, i've really got nothing bad to say about the week other than there being people who just cannot get off my case. All i've got to say to them, in classic words, **** off.
Go figure.

The Cheverons

I am a specialist of the Singapore Army,
With Pride I Lead.
I excel in my specialist field.
I ensure the discipline of my soldiers,
And the readiness of their equpipment.
I overcome adversity,
With my fighting spirit.
I will defend Singapore,
WITH MY LIFE!

This is my creed. This is my life. I'm proud being what i am.

Taking the silver.

The name. Ivan. The rank. 3SG. Oh yeah! Finally i get promoted, after 11 weeks of shit training. 660 a month, getting to lead men and other good stuff. Only bloody problem now is that my course only finishes on Wednesday, and i've still got a summary exercise from monday till tuesday evening, just building and protecting a bridge. What the hell. That's damn super boh liao. In simple terms, that sucks. The only consolation is my SILVER BAYONET which i won for my efforts in the course. Top 10% in the course and i missed out best trainee by just that little bit. Anyway, the guy who won it is a good friend of mine so i'm happy for him. No jealousy there. So what's wrong with being second?

The social strucutre of singapore is in such a way that excellence can only be measured in terms of your achievements, like first place and academic grades, and not so much in what i call "heart work". Its a trend that leaves me very disturbed at times. I must say that i'm guilty of it at times, but what i see out there makes me sick. It makes me feel like throwing up. That's why i think i may do better elsewhere. Maybe the US to study. Toying with the idea. After all, my SAT score is better than A levels.

Weird. Out of the blue she messaged me to ask how i was. Weird. And out of the blue she stopped. Wonder what is wrong. Why should i care anyway?

1 more week

The week sucked. Period. If not for National day on Wednesday, i would have died. Anyway, less said the better. I'm a 3rd Sergeant on Thursday. Woot! 660 here i come. Finally i stop being a trainee.
Attended a party last night, to bid 2 friends farewell. It was fun and i'm sorry i broke the wooden stick. Haha. Spent the night in miah's place with ben, had a good long talk with the 2 of them. Finally found some of the answers i've been looking for so i feel better a wee bit. Realised that i've been looking in the wrong direction all the time, when it was there right in front of my face. Well, now i know so i'll be doing something about it i guess. Bought a Creative Zen V Plus this afternoon. Its no nano but it has a radio. Haha.
Back to camp again. Sian. Wish i could just finish it now. I'll settle my problems once this shit is done.

National Day

The 9th of August. Haha. its national day. Feels good to be home for the holiday. back to camp tommorrow though. Sian. But will be out again on Friday. That's good. Real good. Slack week this week so i'm not really complaining. This time next week, i'll almost be a sergeant. Time has passed real fast. Soon i'll be a section commander leadin gmy own group of men, who hopefully will fight and die for me, that being what i'll be willing to do for them. I'll give my all wherever i go, whether i like the posting or not. Its a case of lan lan suck thumb. The worse things get, the harder i have to suck but who cares? $660 a month, the freeedom to do whatever i want to do, to an extent, and to lead the life of a specialist. 30-plus weeks of hard work comes down to this 1 last week. Training is going to continue being tough, but i'm willing to eat the shit. Just 1 week plus left. Better take care of myself and not get injured or do anything stupid. I heard a rumor on the grapevine that i'm a contender for the best trainee. I don't subscribe to it, but i'll continue to give my best whether i get it or not.
The last parade in the national stadium. The place brings back fond memories. National day parades, SYF, National trck and field meet, especially the one when i was in J1, standing in the rain with her for the whole afternoon, cheering the team from CJ on. Especially that memory. Sigh. Now the place is going to be torn down, and where will all my memories go?
Have been having these weird dreams about a certain someone recently. Is it a sign?

Grease

I finish each and everyday covered in a thin film of sweat, dirt and grease. That's how i would describe my life in Sungei Gedong now. It really sucks big time. Firstly, the camp is in the middle of the cemetries around Lim Chu Kang. Secondly, for some reason or other, the Sergeants have all gone crazy, pumping us like crazy and making unreasonable "request" for us to do. Finally, living conditions are worse than those in Seletar. I miss the place already. Anyway, 3 more weeks. Just hold on for 3 more weeks and i'll finally become a 3rd Sergeant. After that i can start enjoying my life.
Just an observation i made the other day. National Day is just next week on wednesday, and yet, for some reason or other, it just doesn't feel like that.I mean, take a look at the HDB estates in the heartlands and you'll get what i mean. Where are all the flags? Where are all the patriotic messages that used to be seen every other National Day? Where is the irritating National Day song for this year? And the dance? I mean its a time for us to be happy that this place actually exist so where is all the celebration? And when i talk to my peers about it, what is the reaction i get? "Its national day AGAIN? is my hair ok?" and "So? Its juat a day off for us so who cares?" I'm disappointed, really. I don't want to go about waving a flag or anything, but this nonchalant attitude cannot and must not continue to exist. Oh man, i'm starting to sound like a PAP politician. Haha.
Anyway, time has passed really fast. I'm a third through my army career, the girls are going to start university within the month. Time never stands still for anyone, who was i trying to kid. Time passes and people cahnge. Do you expect anyone to stay the same forever?
I guessed not.