A real entry for once

Well, its been awhile since i put up a proper blog post, so i've decided to maybe try my hands on doing something right for once. Shit, its been too long since i've really done any thinking, but of late, it seems that everything may just turn out alright So, onward brave soul, as i look into what i did over the past week, bringing bad the horrible memories and the things which may actually have some worth to it.

The week started out bad. My weekend was cut short by guard duty and my guard rest was punctuated with irritating phone calls and the constant nagging of my CSM. Oh well, that's the army. I find it rather amazing, that when you're half alseep and delirious from the lack of things, you tend to agree to many things without you even knowing it. So when my buddy called me asking me to take something out of the bunk for him, i just replied 'Yeah' in a really sleepy voice, hopiong that somehow it would make him go away and stop talking. When i woke up, i couldn't even remember what he said to me. Kind of crazy, but i think a person who was up for the last 24hrs ought to be allowed to get at least some sleep.

Most probably the highlight of the week must have been the out-sea training which my company conducted on thursday. 13 assault boats, 1 mission. Travel to Seletar Island, check out navigational lights, try not to get into any trouble with the coast guards of either Malaysia or Singapore and don't drown. It turned out alright, but i had to forgo sleep again the night before because i was on duty, again. Seriously, i wonder who plans these duties. When i find out, his nballs are mine. Haha. Deprived of sleep and basic human neccesities, i was beginning to feel like a zombie. My trainees said that i was prone to extreme mood swings during this time and that one moment i was screaming my head off at them, the next i was there encouraging them to do better. Weird thing, the human mind is.

So after another crazy week, the weekend was a very welcome relief. Reached home on friday night and slept all the way through till 11 the next morning. Was late for a lunch appointment with my PC and upperstudy, but it was ok, cos they came late too. We tend to live on rubber time these days, but i think it suits me a bit. Rubber time, what a beautiful concept. Had fun, but i guess that Sunday was better. It has been too long since we last met. Yeah. I enjoyed myself quite a bit more than i have had for quite awhile. Had lunch, took a walk around town for a bit, she bought some stuff for school work. Yes, so it was a simple Sunday out, but still it felt real good, somehow.

So yeah, that kind of sums up my week. The new week is coming, which means even less sleep, more stress and maybe even a few extras to sign, who knows? But there is still the weekend to look forward to. A toast, to a beautiful week, which i throughly enjoyed and to the most beautiful person around.

The battle is within.

Must fight them off. Can't hold out much longer but i must keep on fighting. Give me strength.

Just keep walking.. Or in this case, click the link which says 'Next Blog'

Seriously, move on. There is nothing for you here that will interest you. After all, to most people, i'm not worth much. I'm a lousy friend, an ungrateful son and a pest who just won't go away, like a piece of day old chewing gum stuck to the underside of a seat on the train. I haven't exactly been a model to my juniors or to my siblings and i tend to let my anger get in the way of things. I've tried to change, but no one seems to give a shit. So why do i even bother? Change, which seems to be everything these days, means nothing to me anymore. I've tried to break out of that mould many times, and for a little while, things start to look a little rosier. But then, just as i begin to enjoy myself with my fresh perspective on life, things change forn the worse and i'm back in the duldrums again, sinking to new lows and generally just feeling like shit. As much as i would want it to end, things just don't seem to be going my way.

Had a bad day again/She said i would not understand/Left a note and said i'm sorry i/Had a bad day again/Spilled her coffee broke her shoelace/Smeared er lipstick on her face/Stubbed her toe and said i'm sorry i/Had a bad day again/Though she swears theres nothing wrong/But she's still playing that same old song/Puts me up and puts me off/Had a bad day again/She said i would not understand/Left a note and said i'm sorry i/Had a bad day again/

I'll walk with you if you let me to. I just don't have the guts to ask you if you'd let me, cause i don't want to be hurt again.

Its the new year already?

Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007! So its the new year again. Come to think of it, 2006 was a rather fast year. Whether it was because of the bloody army, or if it was because of something else, i don't really know, but it doens't really bother me much. All i know is that 2006 was a rather weird year, and 2007 is going to prove to be an even weirder one. So yeah, as a way to say goodbye to the old year, and hello to the new one, a short summary of how 2006 was spent.

The year started off differently, instead of preparing to start school, i was going to shave my head, take up a rifle and start shooting things. Well, after 12 years of formal education, i was starting to get a little tired of the same old routine every year. A breath of fresh air, a feeling of anticipation? All to naught when i finally realised how screwed up the Army actually was. All those commercials you see on television? Bullshit! All the manly things you would normally associate with the Army? What rubbish! Efficiency? Let's not even go there. But still, its not like i have much of a choice but to serve. I'd rather eat shit for 1 year and 10 months rather than spend the rest of my life running away from the authorities. So yeah. Now that 2006 is over, i've still got 10 more months to serve. Just trying to make the best out of it and then i can peacefully become a civilian again.

That basically summarises my year. Boring right? The Army isn't exactly the place where things happen. I mean like just spending the month of December almost like a civilian was really fun, and i'm not exactly looking forward to the new year, with a whole new work load to be done for no apparent gain. I'm just looking forward to the time when i can lead the normal, the simple life that i used to have when i was younger. I know they say that things change and stuff, but some things are bettre left unchanged. But still, its time i grew up and lived in the real world. Not what i want, but i have not much choice do i? Yep.

Speaking about changes, 2006 has been a year of change for me. I've grown up alot, according to some people. i'm not more that pimply faced, ill-tempered geek who spends his time playing computer games 24/7. I'm not the insensitive bastard who doesn't give a flying f*** about other people's feelings. I'm no more the guy who only thinks about fun and nothing else. I'm actually seriously thinking about my future and how i want to, and who i'm going to spend it with. Life's too short for me to fool around anymore. If 2006 was the time for me to change, 2007 will be the time for me to solidify my claim to being one of the 'better men' around. Its all serious from here on in. Of course i'll still be there for the good times and the bad. I'll be there when i'm needed, to comfort a friend, to be a bastard and to just plain hang out. I'm expanding my horizons, allowing myself to search for the true meaning of why i'm here, and the things that i want. I'm not going to give up on my dreams, to be successful, to prove everyone wrong, to love the people i love. All these things can only be done, if and only if i can maintain these changes and prevent myself from slipping back into my dark and tormented past. Its about willpower. Doing this does not mean letting go of all i hold dear in my life, but rather, changing the way at which i look at these things, and the way which i treasure them.

The new year is alos a time for resolutions. Reflecting on last year's resolutions, i think i've meet none of them. Well, from 2006:

• Get into Officer Cadet School
• Enjoy the Army
• Learn to drive
• Have a happy and stable relationship with all my friends
• Make new friends
• Get a six-pack and maintain it
• Spend more time with my family

Well, i've met none of them. I didn't get to OCS, i don't enjoy my Army experience, i haven't learnt how to drive, i do not have stable and happy relationships with my friends, or who i think are my friends. I haven't made any new friends worth remembering or keeping in contact with after the Army. My six-pack disappeared after i left SISPEC and i haven't exactly spent alot of time with my family. Enough said. My year was kind of a failure. 7 resolutions, 7 misses. This year will be different though. So here are the resoultions for 2007:

• Try (very hard) to enjoy what's left of NS
• Must learn to drive (or no car in the Uni)
• Get fit (IPPT gold, run 21 klick in SCM 2007)
• Some other things that are better left un-said

Well, they seem a little more realistic compared to what i had last year. I hope this time i can make them work out. They must or i don't know what else there is for me to say.

As the alcohol in the bloodstream starts to go, and the alcohol induced haze of the previous days starts to fade. As parties and the simple leasures of life fade away for the incessant drone of boring teachers, nagging of bosses and the unseemingly endless amount of work left at the end day, its time we got bakc on our feet and back to the office tables. Its time to get some work done, some issues settled. Its time to get geared up for war. But before that, there is still that bit of time left for a drink, and a toast to the one that has gone, and the one that is to come. To 2006, goodbye and well, good riddance. To 2007, bring it on!

Happy new year everyone!