Too hot!

I've only got 1 complaint these days. Why is the weather so bloody hot? Haha. I guess you guys must be feeling it too. The oppressive Singapore weather is back. Its like, why is the weather so whacked out these days. In the beginning of the year, it was unusually wet. it rained almost everyday, forcing me to stay home most days (and some other stuff too, but who really cares). Then it started going really crazy. Hot and dry one moment, wet and cold the next. Explains why my hacking cough acted up all over again. I really thought i was going to die. Seriously. And now, just as i'm starting school? Its hot like the deepest depths of hell. Ok maybe that's an exaggeration. Still, its hot enough to make want NOT to go to school. Like the weather ever was an excuse to skip school.

Anyway, so its the 2nd week of Special Term and i haven't changed my mind about NOT being a Philosophy major. Though i'm slowly beginning to understand what is being taught, i still have no idea how i'm going to write a 6-8 page essay to be handed up. And then there is the exam in 4 weeks time. Yeah. I'm screwed. Say bye-bye to my dignity as a man, i can't even keep my promise of doing well in University. I should just go to my corner and die. Haha. Its not that depressing lah. I just have to keep going forward i guess. Back straight, face forward, march! Then again, i still think Uni is a faceless place. Well, the people are at least. I'm still intimidated by those smart-alec assholes who can't seem to shut up during lectures and discussions sections. If i was still in college, chairs would be flying 'ala Gerald Fok. Haha. Those were the days when i could get into fights and get away with it. These days its not that simple anymore. Oh well. We all have to grow up sometime right?

Ok. Now for Ivan's 'A thought a week segment" Think about this:

For anything, Z, one either knows Z or doesn't.
If one knows Z, one cannot ask about Z.
If one does not know Z, one cannot ask about Z.
Therefore, for anything Z, one cannot inquire about Z.

Bet most of you didn't get that. Oh well. Neither do i and i'm a philosophy student. Now you know what i have to sit through every week. Maybe next week, they'll ask me what a chair is. If that happens, i think i may just walk out all together.

Back to school

Finally, i'm back in school. So its supposed to be a good thing right? Right? Maybe it is, but from what i've experienced during the past week, i think it may just turn out to be a little experiment gone wrong.

So its special term time and i decided that i would sign up for 1 module. Just 1 single module to help me get the rust out of my head and to get the juices flowing properly. I signed up for a Philosophy module. And i'm kinda regretting that i did. Half the class are seniors. Having been in the system before, they easily assimilate into the system. Discussions, lectures blah blah. And the rest? The poor sad NSmen who don't even have a clue on what they are doing sitting in a lecture and not understanding what the lecturer is saying. And then there is the discussions where we're supposed to contribute our thoughts. Seeing some of those entries are really intimidating. I don't have a bloody clue what they are writing. And come to think of it, i don't even know what we're supposed to be discussing in the first place. So there goes my 10% it seems. And my Dean's List. And my double major. And my life. Never before have i felt so intimidated just to attend classes. Being the alone doesn't really help. Not knowing anyone, not understanding a shit and basically not having any fun is well, no fun at all.

I really feel stupid. Maybe i'm just not cut out to study such abstract things. I must have been either drunk or in a daze when i said that maybe i'm more cut out for the social sciences. Haha. Damn i really must pull myself together, quick. 6 weeks isn't enough time for me to whine. But then again, is it enough time for me to shake off the rust and start thinking properly again? I should have done new media writing or something like that. Maybe it would have been the easier option and i would have to have this crazy dilemma going on in my head. I had a nightmare about the work i should be doing the day after i started classes. I must be losing it, or maybe i already have. One thing is for sure though. I'm NOT going to be a philosophy major.

Anyway, while i try to get my head right way up again, here's a little something for you to think about. St. Augustine wrote "Six is a number perfect in itself, and not because God created all things in six day; rather the inverse is true, that God created all things in six days because the number is perfect, and it would remain perfect even if the work of the six days did not exist." Does this mean that mean that since the science of numbers (ie mathematics) is perfect which results in there being a God, or is it because God is perfect that's why mathematics is perfect?

Just something for you people to think about while i try to think about what exactly i should be doing right now.

New Beginnings

First off, i would like to apologize for not updating as often as i would have liked. Just that i haven't been able to gather my thoughts in an orderly manner and type them down in a manner which i would consider 'proper'. Anyway, i know you're sick of seeing my photos (ahem, ms yong) so i'll try my hand at writing again.

Its been 6 months since i left the army and now i'm about to start being a student again. Finally the wait is over. There is only that much anime and dramas which i can take and i'm pretty much at my limit (i watched 168 episodes of BLEACH in 4 days). I've got a crick in my neck and my head hurts from the poor quality of the videos and my bad posture. Not to mention some pretty horrible subtitles to go along with it. Thankfully the special term starts next week. 2 days of school a week, focused on only 1 module. I should be able to do well if i don't get distracted by too many things again. Though philosophy is something totally new to me, i'll try my best.

I've been thinking lately. Where did i go wrong? After awhile and a little inspiration after, i've realized my mistake. My mask has been broken. Now i have to fight my inner daemons again and try to regain the mask that i once wore with pride. My problems all stemmed from 1 single moment of weakness in college and i have been suffering for it ever since. I let down my guard just for an instant and i was beaten up so badly that even i barely recognise myself now. And now that i'm about to start again in the University, i'm hoping i don't make the same mistake again. therefore i have to find my mask and put it on again. Only then will i be able to fight at my full strength and regain the confidence and composure in once had.

Something weird just happened. Before i started typing, i had alot of things i wanted to say. But now i can't even remember what it was. Haha. I apologise if my syntax and spelling is screwed. I'm becoming senile before i even hit 21. Damn i'm getting old before my time. Anyways, May seems to be an interesting month for my. The start of school, my driving test and plenty of other stuff to do.

To new beginnings and bitter endings.