Something weird is happening to me and i don't know what it is. I seem to spend a lot of time looking at my phone, waiting for something to happen. I seem to spend a lot of my free time thinking of things long gone but apparently not forgotten. I spend a lot of time thinking. I remember i promised myself a clean break, but yet, the feeling is coming back. Its not easy to fight these demons especially when they are so alluring. It was just there, right in front of me, and yet again i missed the boat. Is it that difficult for something like that to happen? Am i that useless? Or am i just fated to stay the way i am till the day i find myself in an oven, 1 foot into a wall? Its driving me crazy, yet i torture myself over nothing. Its like as if i was never there in the first place. Maybe i dream too much, maybe i think too much. Who knows? Even i myself don't really know. I wanted a break. I got it for what? 2 months when everything seemed normal until just recently, when that feeling just came back. And this time, it seems to be coming at me with a vengence and i don't think i can stop it. What's wrong with me? Friends. What are they actually? I thought i had them. Obviously i'm wrong. It seems that i'm only good to them when they are in need of something. Need help with a WoW quest? Need help with money? Need help with directions to some place you need to go? Fine. Just ask ivan. He'll give me what i need. But when he needs something from me, i'll be either too busy, or i can give some lame ass excuse cos he doesn't really mind. After all, he's too nice so he can be taken advantage of. I say this. Fuck you if you want to think that way. I'm better off without you bunch of scheming ass fair weathered "friends". I don't want to talk to you guys anymore. You don't deserve my time. I'll never know it seems. I'll just let it pass. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. One thing is for sure, i'll try not to let my moods in. I'll fight the demons and i will win.
Have you seen a shit roll down a hill before? It just gets bigger and bigger. It seems that what i said a few weeks ago is becoming a bigger and bigger issue. What was meant to be a harmless comment on how people keep complaining about the things they have and don't have, has turned out to be some big argument, maybe even bigger than the IMF(i'm getting over myself). Ok, i've bruised a few egos and maybe made a few people cry, but i've got no regrets. I wrote what i wrote, not to target anyone, but more to make people wake up and realise to accept what they have and not to wish they had something else. I get alot of this sort of shit in camp, and when i'm out of camp, i still get this sort of shit. I mean, when can i escape it? Well, i apologies to those people who have been hurt in one way or another but i'm not going to fully retract what i said. I mean, think about, and you'll see that what i said makes sense (i don't always make sense you know). Enough about tt. What i said in my previous post, about the pope, i'm not condemming him or anything like that. All i wanted to say was that he should have thought about it before saying it. I admit, i shoot my mouth off often enough, but come on, he's an intellectual and i'm not. He should know better. And i apologise sincerely to my Muslim friends or anyone who feels offended by it. Take it that it never happened and everything will be fine. I hope.
Catholic: I don't like it when people don't leave their names when they tag my blog. I think its rather impolite don't you think? Everyone is free to their opinions so if you're not happy, buzz off (i'm trying to be polite here).
I have been utterly embarrassed over the past few days, mainly due to 3 events that took place over the week. I've never been so embarrassed before in my life. Ok, first things first. Let's talk about the IMF and WB meetings in Singaporean. Before this, i've always been proud to say that i'm a Singaporean when i went overseas, despite what other people say, that Singaporeans are kiasu, loud and obnoxious. However, just the past week has changed the way i see this dramatically. First, they build Suntec City into what i now call Fortress Suntec. I mean, it is literally a FORTRESS. Just look at all the barbed wire, spiked fences and road-blocks. If tyhe government is so afraid of terrorist, why put up all these bariccades? To prevent the overzealous shopper from getting to the sale in there? Or is it to give the government a false sense of security that if suicide bombers try their funny little games here, the most they'll kill off will be the overzealous auntie with her shopping cart filled with cheap (but good) food from Carrefore? Who knows what the people in the various ministries are thinking. And refusing entry to the 28 CSOs? Please, don't spoil the tradition of protest during IMF meetings. It really kills off the fun in life. And furthermore, why prevent them entry when they can't even control a certain Dr. Chee Soon Juan? Please, control your own people before trying to do it to others. i understand the need for security and i respect the laws of this country, after all it has given me almost everything i wanted for 19 years. But i think its time they just chilled. Second thing. The pope and his stupid comments about islam. I'm Catholic and i think that the pope is real stupid. In a time like this when tensions are running high over race, he's asking for it. John Paul II would have never said anything like that. Thirdly, was even worse. Ok it wasn't so bad but i still felt embarrassed. Today i had unit cohesion day in j8, so my army friends, we went to watch a movie (Singapore Dreaming, an amazing show so go watch). Then we saw a whole bunch of CJ people making a fool of themselves. My god. Right in fromt of my eyes, people smooching and what not. Sick. The less sadi about it the better. Ok, maybe i'm too cynical, but who cares? I can't take it anymore. I don't know where to hide my face.
With regards to my previous post, i've been getting a serious amount of feedback on it. The guys think i did something right for once, like i just became some sort of unlikely super-hero. I mean i just wrote what i felt at that time. I was really pissed at certain people (yes, i think you know who you are) and i just had to rant. I mean its my blog after all isn't it? And i'm free to write what i want to right? Apparently not, cos we're living in Singapore and its an unfair world out there. So that was the opinions of most of the guys. I finally let off some steam which i had been holding in for quite awhile. The girls, well, let's say they saw it in a differenrt way. I'm not going to apologise cos its my blog, i write what i want. If you don't like it, i suggest you take your sorry ass eyes off the screen and switch to a different website cos it can only get worse. Or you could go back to your sad dillusional worlds where everything seems to be crumbling and you can't find a way out of it. If you ask nicely, i'll be more than willing to talk it over, face to face, that's if you have the guts to face the truth of the matter. Life is not what you want it to be. If it was, i'll be in medical school now or i'll be holding a nice overseas scholarship to the UK or US to read the subjects that i want to do. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES PEOPLE!! Come on, you're all old enough to know that. Stop living in your fantasy world where you think you can juggle 3 jobs at a time, find time to study, have a social life and get into a steady relationship with a significant other. Its impossible. A piece of advice from me. Whether you take it or not doesn't matter to me cos its your life and i shouldn't be the one who influences the way you want to live. Focus on what's important now (ie, NS for guys and Uni for the girls) and stick to it. Stop trying to grow up so fast, cos there will come a time when you had wished you enjoyed your youth more when you were young rather than trying to make up for it when you are older. Yeah. I regret many decisions in my life but still i try to move on and forget the pain, cos this pain can only serve to prevent me from enjoying my life.
That's all i have to say for now. I know that i'll be getting more calls this week from people who either diagree with me or feel like sharing their experiences about it. Go ahead and call, cos i'm sure that if you are a critic now, you'll be a believer soon enough.
So everyone has their problems. The girls think uni sucks, the guys think army sucks. The girls think the guys have it easy in the army despite all our complaints and the guys think the girls have it easy in the uni despite their complaints. What the fuck man? Does it really have to come to this? People keep complaining and they never seem to want to do anything about it. First, let me beat the guys upside down. I'm guilty of it too, i admit it. Why is it that all we ever do is talk about army, when 2 or more guys get together, whether or not they have girls in their company? I mean if it really is that bad, why the fuck do you keep talking about it. I'm just about sick with army talk. Can't there even be a simple conversation about without telling off our war stories and showing off our battle scars. And stop complaining about your pay. I'm a spec and i get less than an officer cadet. I work like an ass, get recognition taken away from me by some physcopath and do all sort of shit work. You call that fun? Fuck you. Ok. To the girls. Stop saying you can't fit in and stuff. Its all a matter of attitude, whether you want it or not. Stop saying you cannot keep up with work, don't understand classes and just can't handle. Its whether you want it or not. I haven't been there yet, but i plan to make my uni years the best years i will ever have in my life. At least i have a purpose in my life. Can't say the same for you all though. If you think that you would rather be working, then go ahead, by all means. I'll see you in 10 years and you'll be clearing my plate from the dinner table, making me coffee or trying to sell yourself on some corner in Joo Chiat.
Fine, i'm blunt and untactful. But its just me and not you. If you can't take it, hate me for all i care, cause i really don't care. Seriously. Just so you know, i think its time all of us woke up to smell the roses. Its not too late to change things, a miracle is not needed yet. This is just a heads up to all of us. Stop whining and start living. Enjoy what you have now or you'll regret when its gone. I know i have and i don't care for a repeat again.
Crikey! The Croc Hunter is dead! Oh my God! I know i'm a little late but i think its time i gave the man his dues.
Ok, fine, i may have laughed at his shows and his silly antics on television, thought he was a little crazy at times and even proclaimed that he was gay (ok that was a little harsh). But still, i regarded him as a hero. I've been watching his show since god-knows when and have secretly watched it as i got older. A passionate guy he was, at least he died doing what he loves, that is animals. Bet he died with a smile on his face, the crazy bugger.
Anyway, on a lighter note, work is finally starting to get better. Finally i have things to do. Soon i'll start complaining when i have too much work to do. Haha. Been spending alot of time in the SIL room playing with the computer. Its amazing how much crap one can find on the internet (its not what u think, you dirty minded little bugger), like themrbrownshow. Haha. Its really very funny. And i've finally rediscovered rockson, the bloody psuedo-ah beng wannabe who is not only damn funny (not to mention vulgar) and also very insightful. All these blogs focusing on local issues really get you thinking, while giving you a good laugh at the same time, which is a nice change from reading about other people's sad and boring lives (guilty as charged). Hope i can make my blog more interesting. Haha. Imagine me writing rubbish. Haha.
Got a laptop issued to me in camp yesterday. So happy. Haha.
