Did i really just take an exam?

Its been what? 2 and a half years since my last exam. I will never forget how i felt once i finished the last paper of my As (bio s none the less). A mixture of relief and dread, knowing that i had most probably screwed up another important stage in my academic career. MY MARKS (scars) PROVE MY WORTH! But really, there is nothing much to prove because i screwed up so badly that even now it hurts to think about it. Oh well. So i thought with a little more hard work and some divine intervention, i would be able to do better when i start off in Uni. After all, its meant to be a chil-lax place right? Wrong. I did so badly for my essay that i'll need a miracle if i'm going to even smell a B for the philo mod. This is bad because it totally screws up my plan to get a CAP of 4.5 for the whole course. Now with a mod which i screwed up, i'm in for one hell of a ride. Straight to hell again it seems.

Speaking of hell, is it me or is the weather going crazy again. One moment its like a mini tsunami has hit our shores the next, its as though the devil decided to dance a little jig on the island, mainly around the south western part of the island. Its torture especially considering the Uni is built on hills (note the plural). In the famous song from the Sound of Music, "The hills are alive/With the sound of groaning" And creaking knees. And breaking backs. And heavy breathing. From all the exertion. Ouch. The heat doesn't help, and neither does the humidity. Especially the humidity. ARGH! Why can't the weather be just a little bit cooler? That would save me a load of trouble, especially since i've become a ground-pounder again, walking everywhere, from A to Z.

Oh yeah. So i've finished my first ever mod in the Uni, and it didn't go very well. Good riddance to Philosophy for now at least. I'll try my best not to do anything philosophical for awhile. So there won't be anymore philosophical thoughts for awhile at least until i start doing political theory, then i'll have to study all those old greek, french english german and american bums again. Damn. I'm planning on specializing in IR with a sub-specialization in PT so i better use some time to brush up my reading and writing skills. Especially my writing skills. I can ill afford another philo essay again. Currently, i'm doing the intro mod to pol sci. Hopefully i can do better this time. After all, i want to do it as my major so i had better make myself known to the profs and whoever it may concern that i'm hanging around.

Anyway, i was just thinking about the time back in college. Was the council really that fragmented back then? I thought we could all (the guys at least) get along without killing each other. Ok, there may have been times when i almost killed someone during meetings (i won't say who) and there was the time i broke the CI room door out of frustration (which had nothing to do with council at all). Despite all that, i really felt that we had something going on. A bond of brotherhood and of trust. Covering each other's ass from the wrath of Jek Suan was the unspoken rule. But now, 3 years since we stepped down, things have gone to shit. Councillors at war with each other, grabbing at each other's throats. Even though we rarely meet, we seem to have this deep rooted hate within us. Why? I'm sick of being in the center of the conflicts. I've tried my best to hold what remnants of our brotherhood together. I'm sick of taking sides and being forced to do so. It hurts to see friends verbally beat the shit out of each other. Has the 3 years apart made us that different, that cocky?

Who knows these things. Not me that's for sure. All i know is that i'm tired. And sick of this very much. I feel like washing my hands off everything and just start living properly again. I'm looking for answers again. I'm no emo. I just need to find what i'm looking for.

Super Size Me? I think not..

On Sunday night, Arts Central featured the movie 'Super Size Me' in their Film Art slot at 10pm. I really love eating fast food and i must say it is one of my vices. Though i do not eat it everyday like the people in the film, i do eat it often enough to know it is bad for me. Even then i still eat. Fries, chicken wings, cheeseburgers. All taste good to me. But after watching the show, it kinda left me sick to the stomach. Just 30 days is enough to kill you. Argh. I don't want to die in 30 days. The funny thing was that there was this guy who had eaten like 19000 burgers and has a rather low cholesterol level of 140. Like wow. The irony of that. Either way, i think i'll start cutting down on my intake of fast food. Its about time i made a some big changes in my life. Like the food i eat, the amount i eat. For god's sake, i'm starting to become tubby. Haha. Like round. I can't see my abs anymore, which is kinda depressing really. I blame my over 2 years of inactivity. The last time i did any real hardcore exercise was when i was forced to take part in my camp's inter-mess triathlon. I'm proud to say that after busting my ass, i came in a decent 2nd (from the back). And to think i want to get back to playing some hardcore rugby when i matriculate properly into the university. HAHA!

Ah, then again, i thought that i could just live the simple life from now on. No worries in the world and the like. Uni seemed like a haven to me, compared to the Army. In a sense it is, but with this new found freedom, comes another problem. Try being the stupidest guy in class and you'll know what i mean. Up till ow i can barely understand what is being taught, 4 weeks into the course. And there is the paper which is due in 2 weeks, and the exams in 2 weeks. Hell i don't even know how to start writing. I'm just so confused with things. Hopefully inspiration will strike me one day soon. And it had better be soon because i may just start going crazy. Haha.

So now i'm fat, stupid and starting to lose my grip on reality. Anyway, here's a thought for a week. It happens that now i'm reading Decartes (cogito ergo sum; i think, therefore i am). It also happens to be my essay topic. 'How do you know if you are living in the Matrix? And does it matter?' There it goes. I just lost all respect for one of my favorite trilogies of all time. Ok well, to make things simpler, here is another question you might like to ponder. 'Given that you can be fooled by dreams, how do you know you are not in one now?'

Think about it.