Hope you're happy

Its been what, almost a week now. I guess that things are getting better now that i finally decided that i wanted a break from all the shit i've been going through. Hell, its been more than a year since we left school. Things change, people, places memories. I've changed, whether for the better or for worse, i've still yet to find out. But most importantly, YOU'VE changed and there is nothing i can do to change you back to when i first fell for you. Well, over the past few days i've been hearing some terrible rumours about you and you were just playing me all along. Just so you know, i don't subscribe to them and even if i did, i think they shouldn't affect me because i'm making a conscious effort to put things back to normal between us. Either way, i think i still need time away. The hardest part is yet to come. I've accepted the fact, now its time for me to dettach and get on with my life. Sometimes, to do the right thing requires that you be steady, even if it means giving up the very things which you hold dearest in your life. You most probably think what i'm writing is rubbish, but this time i mean it. Hope i have the willpower to see it through to the end. Even if it requires that i make a total break, i'll do it, because i'm really tired. Tired of being a slave to this problem which has been going on for years. It has to end.

Anyways, after a long time trying to level up my character in WoW, i decided to take time off to head down to town. I think WoW is starting to kill me, even though it is so much fun. I need a break, but i also need people to go out with. I'm now officially a social vegetable when it comes to this. No, i don't club. No, i rarely go out to drink. And no, i don't think i'm ready to go looking for another girl right now, not after all that i've been through. And my network of friends? Well, lets just say its grown considerably smaller since i left school. Other than for miah, ching, kp, pido, don and maybe khai, the others are almost as good as strangers to me. I really have no idea what went wrong. Was i too obssessed? Maybe. Did i choose the wrong people to befriend? I don't think so. The people i knew were great when we spent time back in school. Was i too much of an asshole? Probably, but i really tried to be less of one. Seriously. Somehow or rather, things i did in the past bite me in the ass all the time in more ways than one.

Sigh. So i step into this phase of life with nothing much to look forward to in life other than the elusive level 70, balzefury, tier 5 armour, ORD in 6 months and maybe, just maybe a better social life. Other than that, i'm pretty much screwed. Oh wells, looks like i'm off to a fantastic start in my life of pathetic mediocrity, just another of those mindless drones working day in and day out, never to do anything extraordinary other than to pay my taxes to the government that sees me as just another number in the long list of other numbers. Just another one of their poor sad sods to throw at the aggressor when they come thundering down from wherever they may come from.

Again, i had another arguement with my parents. Why do they always seem to be so cheap all the time, yet they spend money on my older brother, financing not only his education, but also his merry trips around the whole up europe? And then when i ask them for simple things like letting me stay in the hostel while i'm studying in NUS? They always get angry saying that its expensive and all that blah. And when i ask if they could maybe finance me on a trip after i ORD? The same reaction. They just get angry with me and then brush me off. And to make things worse, they persist to be angry and go about telling all my relatives about how spendtrift i am and how 'guai' my older brother is. I mean like what the fuck? Just because he's the oldest, does that mean he gets the best of everything? Does being the secind child in the family attract so much angry and resentment that my parents literally do not care? I know that i haven't been the best of sons, but does that give them the right to treat me worse than my other siblings? I always get last dips on everything. And when my siblings want things they get it. When i want something, maybe just a shirt or a new pair of jeans, what do i get? A tongue lashing from my mum about saving money, my dad will go on harping about how hard he has to work to earn that sort of money, even if it was only $39.90. Then when i go and use my own money, the money which i spend 5 days a week, 9 hours a day earning, the whole cycle repeats itself all over again. And they said retail therapy is good for you, i say BULLSHIT. For God's sake, stop being so cheap. You're a doctor for crying out loud. Doctors are supposed to be rich. Why does it seem that you're the exception? Why does it seem that i'm always the one to take the flak from my parents anger. I've tried so hard to please them and make them worry less about me and this is what i get in repayment? Thank you very much for helping me enjoy my childhood. Really. If there's anyone to balme for my current state, go blame yourselves.

Shit. Don't get me wrong, i really do love my parents. Its just that sometimes the decisions they make and the way they treat me, as though i'm the trash son of the family, it just pisses me off. And the way they try to control my every action in my life and the way they try to steer me to become what they think is the 'perfect' son just gets on my nerves. It just seems that i'll always be the black sheep of this family, whether i like it or not. After all, i was the one who screwed up nearly every national examination, gave the most amount of problems and stuff like that. What can i say, i've destroy nearly everyone's dreams and hopes.

Its been a long post, so i think i'll stop here. I still need time to sort out my problems, maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months. I have no idea how i'm going to help myself out his time, but i guess its a start. Slowly things will start looking up (hopefully) and i'll be back to my normal self again and this time come out stronger than before.