After Hours

The emo and down phase is starting to come to an end right now. I don't believe the emotional roller coaster i've been put through these few days. Crazy really. For those people who tried standing by me during this rough time, thanks alot. Somehow i felt that i wouldn't have made it without you guys. For those people who mocked me, who put me down and who laughed at me while i was down, let's just say i won't be talking to you guys for a bit. Maybe never again. You know who you are so don't feign ignorance and stuff like that.

Anyway, over the week, i've realised how weak a person i am. I keep on saying that i'll give it up, but in the end, i just get back to hurting her and hurting myself. Not that i like being hurt or what, its just things that can't really be put down in words. Yup. On top of that, i think i made her angry enough that she refuses to talk to me again. So yup. I've started this mess and i guess its about time i cleared things up once and for all. Problem is, i don't know how to go about doing it so i'm pretty much screwed.

Well, i guess that its back into my shell for me. When i first stepped into JC, i felt that maybe i would try to be different from what i was back in Sec school. But it seems that the model which i followed back then was the ideal for me. The cold, unrelenting and unfeeling bastard. As much as i hated myself then, i hate the state that i'm in now even more. I shouldn't have given my heart away in the first place. All the stupid things i have done are enough to condemn me for life with the girls. So i say it here, once and for all. I will never ever give my heart away to unrequited love again. I've been played the fool once, and i'll not fall for the same trick twice (though i must have fallen to it countless times).

Its time i removed my veil and put my armour back on. I need to regain my mystery and my sanity. This is the end of the emotional Ivan. From now on, what you get is what you see.

Cold, emotionless, uncompromising, unfeeling.