40 days, 40 nights
Inspired by a movie of the same title i caught some time back, i guess that for the next 40 days and 40 nights, i'll try not to do anything stupid over Lent. For those peeps that actually caught the movie (by some weird stroke of luck or other), you'll guess what i'm trying not to do this Lent. Shit. I really hope i can keep this vow. Anyways, this period of time, its going to be a journey. While others are trying to find redemption, i'm just trying to find the answers i need. Some of these may seem obvious to most, but i guess that i'm not what people would describe as most. Shit. I've been at it for almost 3 years and what do i have to show for it? Just one measly lunch meeting. The other times i've asked her out? She's always busy. And the times i've tried to just talk with her, over the phone, SMS or MSN? She just ignores me. Maybe its because i don't exist, or maybe i'm an irritant. Shit. I need to find the answers, and i hope that the coming 40 days and nights will be just what i needed to get me out of this mess once and for all.
I hate being ignored, especially if i'm being ignore by someone who i really care for. Just the simple act of interacting with that person can be a pain at times. And when i don't get clear answers? It just gets worse. If you're really busy and you tell it to me explicitly, i'm sure i'll understand and not bother you. But when you just give half-hearted answers and better yet, just refuse to reply, then i can't help but feel that something is wrong. I really hate it, but i guess that i'm just addicted. I mean like, i'm not the type who obsesses over things but there is just that something which makes you special and i can't find it everywhere else. You always tell me to move on, just keep moving, but i can't. I just can't. Until maybe something drastic happens, i doubt i'll move anywhere along that path. I know its almost similar to killing myself, but i've just got to try, cos i'll regret if i never did.
So the week has been rather fun. CNY was spent visiting family and friends. I don't usually visit friends over the new year, but this year was different. I was forced out of the house by my parents so i went along with the flow and visited friends for the first time. And i throughly enjoyed myself. For the first time in a long while, CNY didn't seem to stuck up. Visited Cheryl's and Justina's place. Had a whole load of fun meeting up with all the other cocks, namely miah and khai, making a fool of myself in front of Cheryl's friends and losing nearly every game of Mahjong over at Justina's. And the food was fantastic too. It just felt different this year, and for that i'm glad. Looking forward to next year's CNY. Then i'll be civillian and i can get down to doing some proper visiting. And the ang paos! Haha.
After the joy of CNY, i found myself back in Gedong for the next 3 days till friday. It was rather ok in the sense that i spent 2 full days slacking off in the safety boat. Cleared off some good books (The Undercover Economist and Freakanomics), mingled a bit with my pioneers to hear all their grudges and petty pioneer politicking and got a rather good tan over 2 days. And then came Friday evening, which must have been the most fun i have had in ages...
Met miah and denyse for drinks we were supposed to meet at 8 but had dinner first and the place (Cafe Iguana) didn't have space so by the time we got to doing some real drinking, it was already 10-plus. Who's complaining anyway. Anyways, had a magarita and a corona. Most importantly, had fun. Beer bottle sectionals, beer shooting and just plain old talking cock. Its amazing how much people change over a year and its also amazing how much people do not change over the same period of time. And how much shit the three of us have had over the past year, its amazing that we can still laugh about it and carry on with life. Oh yah, and there was the 'Pepsi Cola' match we had just by the Singapore river with a load of bemused passerbys watching us as we went back to the sport of our college days. I got raped by miah who hasn't lost his touch and he got raped by Den, who said she was wearing slippers so we had to give her chance. Haha. On a normal day it would be a showdown between me and miah but its was real fun. Den, next time we meet, you better be wearing shoes. I want a rematch! Haha. This time i'll play properly. And just before we stumbled ack home, Den talked the 2 of us to try the reverse bungee. And in our alcohol and cock-talking induced haze of delirium, miah and i actually agreed. Thank god that by the time we got there, the place was closed, so we have to go back another time (not that i'm complaining). Come to think of it, if we had actually gone through with it, it would have had been fun and i would find my dinner all in the Singapore River. Its been ages since i had so much fun. Wish we could do it more often.
So yeah. My week on a whole was rather good. Its time i went to do some real searching for answers. Its time i started having fun. Its time i started living again.
Somewhere out there, i'll find my answers. Somewhere out there, things will be all happy again.
I hate being ignored, especially if i'm being ignore by someone who i really care for. Just the simple act of interacting with that person can be a pain at times. And when i don't get clear answers? It just gets worse. If you're really busy and you tell it to me explicitly, i'm sure i'll understand and not bother you. But when you just give half-hearted answers and better yet, just refuse to reply, then i can't help but feel that something is wrong. I really hate it, but i guess that i'm just addicted. I mean like, i'm not the type who obsesses over things but there is just that something which makes you special and i can't find it everywhere else. You always tell me to move on, just keep moving, but i can't. I just can't. Until maybe something drastic happens, i doubt i'll move anywhere along that path. I know its almost similar to killing myself, but i've just got to try, cos i'll regret if i never did.
So the week has been rather fun. CNY was spent visiting family and friends. I don't usually visit friends over the new year, but this year was different. I was forced out of the house by my parents so i went along with the flow and visited friends for the first time. And i throughly enjoyed myself. For the first time in a long while, CNY didn't seem to stuck up. Visited Cheryl's and Justina's place. Had a whole load of fun meeting up with all the other cocks, namely miah and khai, making a fool of myself in front of Cheryl's friends and losing nearly every game of Mahjong over at Justina's. And the food was fantastic too. It just felt different this year, and for that i'm glad. Looking forward to next year's CNY. Then i'll be civillian and i can get down to doing some proper visiting. And the ang paos! Haha.
After the joy of CNY, i found myself back in Gedong for the next 3 days till friday. It was rather ok in the sense that i spent 2 full days slacking off in the safety boat. Cleared off some good books (The Undercover Economist and Freakanomics), mingled a bit with my pioneers to hear all their grudges and petty pioneer politicking and got a rather good tan over 2 days. And then came Friday evening, which must have been the most fun i have had in ages...
Met miah and denyse for drinks we were supposed to meet at 8 but had dinner first and the place (Cafe Iguana) didn't have space so by the time we got to doing some real drinking, it was already 10-plus. Who's complaining anyway. Anyways, had a magarita and a corona. Most importantly, had fun. Beer bottle sectionals, beer shooting and just plain old talking cock. Its amazing how much people change over a year and its also amazing how much people do not change over the same period of time. And how much shit the three of us have had over the past year, its amazing that we can still laugh about it and carry on with life. Oh yah, and there was the 'Pepsi Cola' match we had just by the Singapore river with a load of bemused passerbys watching us as we went back to the sport of our college days. I got raped by miah who hasn't lost his touch and he got raped by Den, who said she was wearing slippers so we had to give her chance. Haha. On a normal day it would be a showdown between me and miah but its was real fun. Den, next time we meet, you better be wearing shoes. I want a rematch! Haha. This time i'll play properly. And just before we stumbled ack home, Den talked the 2 of us to try the reverse bungee. And in our alcohol and cock-talking induced haze of delirium, miah and i actually agreed. Thank god that by the time we got there, the place was closed, so we have to go back another time (not that i'm complaining). Come to think of it, if we had actually gone through with it, it would have had been fun and i would find my dinner all in the Singapore River. Its been ages since i had so much fun. Wish we could do it more often.
So yeah. My week on a whole was rather good. Its time i went to do some real searching for answers. Its time i started having fun. Its time i started living again.
Somewhere out there, i'll find my answers. Somewhere out there, things will be all happy again.
posted by ivan at
2/24/2007 10:36:00 pm
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