Time is running out

What more is there for me to say these days? Its finally ending and i'm starting to feel it. 21 more days. That's like 3 weeks, 15 working days. And with 14 days of off and about another 4 days of leave left to clear before the 4th, hehe, i don't really have to go back to work anymore. Too bad for FFI, clearance and the bloody range tommorrow. Ah well. At least its ending, that's all that really matters to me now. After that its hibernation time. For 2 months, total inactivity except maybe for the infrequent squash games, nights out or some other activity. Should be fun. Then when the new year begins its time to do a bit of work till i start Uni, hopefully in May. I got a 'lobang' through some of the NSmen i did the course with. Heh. Speaking of which, i was almost best trainee again. Seems like i'm not fated to do exceptionally well in the Army either. Oh well.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Other than for the ORD date, things seem to be coming to another standstill. Once again, i'm being faced by old enemies and old problems. Things i though i had let go of a long time ago are now back again and this time it seems to be back stronger than before. Don't get me wrong, its not that i do not cherish the memories, the company or just the conversations (even though they may seem awkard at times). I actually do enjoy the challenges that face. Its just the after effects of failure that i dread. The feeling of having something almost in your grasp and losing it at the last moment really really really sucks. Come to think of it, i'm kinda used to that feeling. Over the past 4 years of my life since i stepped into college, out of it and into the Army the sinking feeling has come at least 6 times if not more. I don't exactly like it, but yeah. It comes and goes. 

Looking at myself in the mirror now, i can't imagine how i turned out this way. A cold and bitter person who sees the dark side of everything. There really is not joy in my life anymore. I have old friends who haven't seen me in ages coming up to me saying that my eyes are just dead and cold. The fire that was once there is no more and it scares them. It scare me to to see what i've become. I feel that i'm chasing my friends away and it hurts to know that these friendships once matter alot to me as a person. 

Anyway. So as i come to a close in a stage of my life, the end of National Service, over the next 3 weeks, i'll be giving my take on my experiences through the Army. The good and the bad, from a totally neutral (yeah right) viewpoint. My life as a Recruit, Private Soldier and finally as a Specialist (for all those wannabe officers, go read something else). Hopefully i can give an objective view on National Service as a whole for those fools waiting to enlist to have a rough feel on what it really is like and for those who have already served to reminiscent on their past memories. Yeah. Big undertaking here so i'll do my best.

I just thought about it. How's she doing now. Haven't seen her for ages. I think its time i plucked up some courage and asked her out or something.