Its been awhile

Well, its been what, 3 weeks since i last posted. I guess that i've been neglecting things for awhile. Things have been going ok, other than for the random outbursts of madness and emo-ness, things seem to be looking on the upswing. Forget about the Army, NDP and all the other monkey crap, on a whole, i actually feel rather good, for the first time in a long time. When i peel away the layers of shit which have covered me since god knows when, and examining it meticulously, i try to realise what i've done wrong, and how i'm not going to do it again. The main issue must have been my pathetic attempts at trying to get something which was never there in the first place. I realised that i built up my life around what i wanted it to be and not what is actually is. And when things don't turn out the way i want them to, i end up becoming all moody and dark and stuff. That is when things start to get ugly, for not only me but for the people around me. For putting up with the shit i dish out, thanks for being there (well, some of you guys are still out there taking my shit, but others, well, the less said the better).

In a previous post, i mentioned 'cold, cruel and efficient'. I think i'm starting to become that cold emotionless person i once was. Turning back into the monster of the past. I've stopped believing in dreams. Somehow, dreams just don't cut it anymore. I'm turning 20 in a few months time and its time i let go of those childish dreams. I figured over the past weeks that dreams don't come true, dreams only happen well, in dreams and no where else. Yes, you may argue that dreams are what drives a person to succeed, that dreams make humans what we are. Fools i tell you. We are all just fools to believe in dreams. Dreams happen when we sleep. In dreams we can fly, we always get the girl we want, we can do virtually anything, until they become nightmares. Nightmares are when these dreams come crashing to the ground, like the one i've been living in for the past 3 and a half years. I think that time is enough. I've stopped believing in dreams. The only thing that drives me now is my desire to show others how wrong they were to put me down adn how wrong they were to ignore me. It's kinda like revenge, only its not that sinister. The day i take my cert out of the Uni, with a big first class honours, getting a good job in a nice company, become successful in my everyday life, then i'll take it up to my detractors, smack it in their faces and just laugh. To those people who snubbed me, let's just say you not be expecting any favours from me then. Don't worry, i can forgive people, but i never forget.

What am i saying? I have no idea, its just how i feel. Anyway, moving on..

There comes a time when you know you've got to let go. Its time i let go of all the excess baggage in my life. I've let go most of it already, but there still are the little niggliy things at the back of my mind which pop out ever so often and kick me in the ass. Ah what can i say, life is screwed. But what would life be if not for all the little fuck-ups? would it even be called a life at all? Most probably not.