The Aftermath
Before anything else, i've only got 1 thing to say: 24 hour guard duty sucks. Its really boring with absolutely nothing to do at all. I managed to finish 2 books during that time, and stupidly enough didn't get much sleep for the whole day. Thank god that the guard commander was a nice guy, we didn't get turned out and the DOS was one of my Coy sergeants. I actually kinda enjoyed myself other than for the boredem part and not being able to spend the Saturday slacking, but who cares? It occupied me from thinking too much about my problems so i'm not complaining.
Sunday morning, played paintball with the guys. The Adeptes Astartes as we were called (cool right). We kicked 31st council ass and raped them 3-0 which is good for a noob like me. Thanks ben for organising the game and thanks to all the guys who went down to play today. If only it was cheaper.. We could play every other week. Haha.
I've been taking unneccessary risk these few days, wonder why. During Cat ! weather in Sungei Gedong, i was standing out in the open just staring into nowhere. Later, my buddy told me that i was talking to myself, and i don't even remember doing it. Then on another occassion, i just turned all 'garang' for no reason and started doing stupid things inside my rig without the proper protective equipment. I could have killed myself. But how is it that i don't really care anymore? I've adopted sort of a devil may care attitude to life. It has thrown all sort of shit at me. Fate or destiny or whatever has given me a horrible hand and so i've decided to fuck life back. Go ahead and make my day, and i'll make yours too. Try anything funny with me and i'll try something funny with you. Just try. Go ahead. You say i'm going crazy? I say hell yeah. Sheesh! Does it really have to come to this? Its not that i would want it to turn out this way, but its the only way i know how to face my problems. Give me strength, give me back the days when life was simpler.
On a lighter note, i get the strangest feeling that i'm actually getting slightly better. I think i may just give it one more shot. Just one more try. If nothing happens, i know that i've wasted my time. If something does happen (most probably not) then i'll be back to my cheerful and happy self once again. Just so you know, i'm going to put in my fullest effort for the next few weeks at least and see what happens, sort of like last burst of fire before a retrogade I'm slowly working my way out of the rut and hopefully i'll stay out of it this time rather than fall into the never ending abyss of crap i'm going through now.
I am the only one to blame for this. Somehow it all ends up the same. Soaring on the wings of selfish pride, i flew too high. Like Icharus i collide. With a world i've tried so hard to leave behind. To rid myself of all but love, to live an die.
Sunday morning, played paintball with the guys. The Adeptes Astartes as we were called (cool right). We kicked 31st council ass and raped them 3-0 which is good for a noob like me. Thanks ben for organising the game and thanks to all the guys who went down to play today. If only it was cheaper.. We could play every other week. Haha.
I've been taking unneccessary risk these few days, wonder why. During Cat ! weather in Sungei Gedong, i was standing out in the open just staring into nowhere. Later, my buddy told me that i was talking to myself, and i don't even remember doing it. Then on another occassion, i just turned all 'garang' for no reason and started doing stupid things inside my rig without the proper protective equipment. I could have killed myself. But how is it that i don't really care anymore? I've adopted sort of a devil may care attitude to life. It has thrown all sort of shit at me. Fate or destiny or whatever has given me a horrible hand and so i've decided to fuck life back. Go ahead and make my day, and i'll make yours too. Try anything funny with me and i'll try something funny with you. Just try. Go ahead. You say i'm going crazy? I say hell yeah. Sheesh! Does it really have to come to this? Its not that i would want it to turn out this way, but its the only way i know how to face my problems. Give me strength, give me back the days when life was simpler.
On a lighter note, i get the strangest feeling that i'm actually getting slightly better. I think i may just give it one more shot. Just one more try. If nothing happens, i know that i've wasted my time. If something does happen (most probably not) then i'll be back to my cheerful and happy self once again. Just so you know, i'm going to put in my fullest effort for the next few weeks at least and see what happens, sort of like last burst of fire before a retrogade I'm slowly working my way out of the rut and hopefully i'll stay out of it this time rather than fall into the never ending abyss of crap i'm going through now.
I am the only one to blame for this. Somehow it all ends up the same. Soaring on the wings of selfish pride, i flew too high. Like Icharus i collide. With a world i've tried so hard to leave behind. To rid myself of all but love, to live an die.
posted by ivan at
11/26/2006 09:12:00 pm
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