Whitehorse

3 days out field, 0 hrs sleep. That kind of sums up my whole week. Whitehorse was a pain in the ass, but after spending nearly 3 months being an office drudge slave, it felt kind of good. Not taking a shower, eating meals out of a green pack, mosquitoes biting in unatural places and best of all, no sleep for 2 days, it actually feels good. Makes me feel alive just to spend a few days out in Gedong, with nothing but my SBO and full pack to keep me company through the never ending nights and crazy long days. was assigned to be safety spec for the exercise. Got a rover to myself, which was acttually kind of fun until you realised that both you and the driver do not know your way around the bloody place, which is damn super huge and confusing. Got lost no less than 5 times in 1 night, due to a lack of sleep and a lack of knowledge of the terrain. But still, i found my way out and so here i am updating this blog.

Went to help out j1 retreat this weekend. It was kind of fun goofing around with the guys. But still, i feel really pissed off over 2 things. Firstly, i feel that the j1 batch are a bunch of ill disciplined bastards and have no respect for authority. Secondly, where in the world did they find that useless bunch of f-ed up facils. They don't even count as people to me. They sucked, to put it simply. I was real disappointed to see that the facils were giving me more problems that than the participants. I feel really disappointed, but what can i do or say? Like i make any difference to what other people say and do. Its all screwed up in the end.

I think of myself as a person who is aways there for others when they need it. When a buddy says he's feeling down, i'm always there to lend a listening ear. But when i have problems, no one seems to be there at all. When i need to talk to someone, they just brush me off like i was yesterdays trash. They don't even have the fucking courtesy to tell me they don't want to talk. They just don't listen. I'm really sick of being a nice guy. I want to have friends whom i can talk to on a mature level, not just about the Army, or about school, or only about their problems and not listen to mine in turn. Maybe i should be less nice. At least that way, i'll have no friends which in turn would mean that i wouldn't have to be a social animal anymore. I could just curl up into a ball and die in the corner while everyone just walks by me, ignoring me. After all, i'm meant to be ignored aren't i? I'm not good enough for you people to waste your time on but good enough for me to waste my time on you. I've had it with me eading this double life, this 2-faced lie of a life. I've been a fool and i've been made a fool by people whom i thought were my friends. Thanks alot guys, for wasting my time on your petty feelings and thoughts. Thanks alot for not being where i needed you most. Thanks alot for ignoring me.

Ah, what the hell. Like anyone actually bothers about me. I shouldn't even bother to talk about it. After all, who cares? this blog is a fucking sham. Maybe i should close it down.