Breaking the habit

Spending the last night outfield gave me alot of time to think. Ok, technically i wasn't outfield cos i was sleeping in a 5-Tonner on a safari bed. Its just this regular conversion course that i'm attending now, 5 weeks of shit which i don't have much of a care about, but unfortunately i have to attend. So, sitting in the dark interior of the vehicle, it came to me that i ahve a lot of issues which are kind of getting in the way of my progress towards anything. And i only have to blame myself for it. Its no one elses fault but mine. I admit that i think too much, give myself too much hope and just assume that i'm god's gift to the world. Well, its just me, and i would like to apologise for it. For making people worried about me and stuff. Yup. Its ok. You guys got your own lives to lead so go ahead and live it. Don't worry too much about me cos i've been through alot before and i think i can get through this alone. Well, i guess that i just have to ask and there most probably will be people there to look out for me.

I don't have the guts to do what must be done, and it tears me up inside. All the guys i talk to say its not worth, but still, i can't help but think that there is something there and that i'll regret if i don't take this opportunity. And how would i know if it is possible if i don't try. Well, i just don't have to guts. I doubt i'll be able to take another outright rejection.

Something's missing, and i don't know how to fix it. Argh!! It tears me up inside.